Wednesday, May 17, 2006

a small victory

last night when i got home from work jack had a surprise for me. while he was on a walk around the neighborhood he suddenly had an ice cream craving, so he stopped at the neighborhood gas station & each got us some ice cream. actually, he got us each a pint of ice cream. he then told me "honest hun, i'm not trying to sabotage you, but i was really craving ice cream & i couldn't get some for myself with out getting some for you too!"

my reaction to that was a mixed one. on the one hand, it's so sweet that he thinks of me all the time like that. & it's so sweet that he doesn't want to "treat" himself without treating me. then again, he bought me ice cream the same day i started my new blog & decided that i was really, & truly, dedicated this time.

i'll admit, i did have a bit of the homemade turtle sundae that he bought for me. but while he finished his entire pint i had four small spoonfuls & quickly tucked it into the freezer, letting him know that "by all means, be my guest & have some of the ice cream if you want."

i'm not sure if it's because i just decided that enough really is enough, or if it's because i've been slowly weaning myself off sugar, but the ice cream was way too sweet for me. i wound up feeling sluggish & a wee bit sick after i ate it. it really could be a mind over matter issue, but i'm hoping that i'm learning a little bit, or that i have learned a little bit.

one thing i do know is that the temptation will always be there for me. when things aren't going well at work, or i'm stressed about money or school or whatever, it's always going to be tempting to comfort myself with something fatty or sugary. something that makes me feel safe. food has been my best friend, & it's been my greatest enemy. right now the challenge for me is to strike a balance between these two feelings & come to peace with the fact that i need it, but i don't have to let it control me.

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