so i've done some soul searching, but not at the bottom of a pint of ice cream, yea me! & i've come to a realization. last year, or, more accurately, late 2004 through beginning 2005, when i was losing scads of weight, the difference was that for the first time in my life i really honest to god loved myself. i knew that i was smart, beautiful, talented, & the weight was just an external thing. just a physical thing, baby. & that's what made it possible for me to lose weight so easily. because i came to terms with my bad past, & that i couldn't do thing one about it, BUT i could change my destiny!
ok, i'll wait for you to barf. done?
but really, it all comes down to self love, self respect, & realizing that you really are worth it. it's been said too many times, but really, if you want someone to love you, you must first love yourself. luckily for me, jack is a total sweet heart who has stayed with me through my self doubt & self hatred, & he still reassures me that he loves me & that i'm beautiful. he'll even randomly tell me that "you're so much hotter than this chick i saw...." ok, that one does make me feel bad for whoever this random chick may be, but makes me feel good too that he's still hot for my [jiggly] bod.
so with the wedding ticker down to 51 weeks i'm starting a new diet. the "i love me, i'm worth it, & i really don't want that stickin snickers bar" diet. like the name? it's all mine baby. ok, not my best work, but it's a start.