Wednesday, September 20, 2006

tick, tick, slide that ticker girl!

when i started those weekly weigh ins all the way back in july my starting weight for that first one was 272 lbs. now, ten weeks later, i'm one & a half pounds more than that, but i've had quite a roller coaster ride of ups & downs in between. it makes me happy that i'm moving in the right direction & i'm really going to work hard in the next week so that i can at least stay the same or possibly get down into the 272 range.

i know it sounds so kindergarten, but i love having my calendar hanging above my tv at home & putting my stickers on there each night as i keep track of my exercise & water consumed. i love peeling off those little lisa frank stickers & affixing them to the pastel page, writing in the number of steps i've walked. it felt so awesome writing in my weight this morning & seeing that it was less than my weight from last week. it also serves as a really great visual reminder of how well, or how not so well, i've been doing as of late.

even though i'm happy at this exact moment about the nice number that showed up on the scale this morning, i'm still kind of mad at myself that i've wasted most of 2006. when the year turned & i was still doing my training over at bren road i was doing so well with working out, jenn & i would spend a couple hours at the gym, i was gradually losing weight, building up my stamina, & feeling so great. then i hurt my achilles, was restricted from working out for eight weeks, & then it just all kind of went to hell in a hand basket front here.

yeah, no crying over consumed milk shakes, i get it. but i still can't help but give a small sigh & wish that i would've done better for myself in the mean time. then again, it also falls under that cliche of those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it. so i just need to summon up the triggers that led me to failing on this whole thing in the past so that i can do my best to avoid them in the future.

keeping this blog does help, & yet, it's a very strange creature too. i've been very honest in revealing my weight here, some of my deepest ponderings & emotions. & i know some of the people who are reading my tales. i've had friends comment & i can name some of the people who are reading because i know them. & then, there's probably total strangers reading this. people who i've never met, & will probably never met, reading all of this very personal things about my life. & then there's the whole issue that i put all of this in writing, out on the internet, for anyone to read, & yet, most of these things are things that i wouldn't say in public. i'd never go up to most of my friends & boldly declare that i weigh this much. i wouldn't admit that i've been this unhappy about so many things. it's kind of like keeping a diary that everyone has a key to.

i'm not saying that any of this bothers me. or that i'm thinking about changing how i write in my blogs. because i'm not planning to do either one of those. i do plan on continuing on, just as i have been. & hoping that i gain a few more readers. a bit more internet infamy. & who knows, my loyal readers & friends, i just may bring some of you into all of that. scott has told jenn that she's blog famous. i really do have other friends, it's just most of them don't offer such fertile blog material. so the question goes out, how often do you need to be mentioned before you're blog famous?

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