Wednesday, October 11, 2006

moving on up, from the eastside

ok, so not exactly the theme song to the jefferson's, but i already live on the east side & i'm trying to fly far far away.

so yet another little spat with my mom this past sunday, which then turned into me fighting with jack because i was: a) upset about my mom's insistence with little barbs about me not getting married in a church b) hurt that she seems to want to ruin my wedding, which then led to me: a)getting hurt because jack wasn't more perturbed on my behalf b) picking a fight with jack & bringing up every little tiny thing he has ever done which irks me & then resulted in me curling up in a ball & sobbing miserably on my bed.

i hate this vicious cycle.

& so i've decided to stop it. dead in its tracks. & while i love my parents, i really can no longer live with them if i want to be able to talk with them, ever, in the next five years. believe it or not i get along very well with my dad. i rarely to never argue with him about anything. but i'm routinely upset with my mom & often fight with my brother. & i am so sick & tired of the whole thing i could just simply vomit.

of course, there's also the fact that my mom seems to take a bizarre pleasure in undermining my attempts to lose weight. seriously gang, why must a diabetic keep that much candy, cookies, & sugar in the house? do we really HAVE to always have at least one gallon of ice cream in our freezer? i would like to think that it isn't a necessity & we really shouldn't have that crud around, but i seem to be the only one willing to quit it all cold turkey.

while in the midst of fighting with jack & crying i did text miss jenn & tell her that i planned on running away from home. which, really did seem like a viable option at that point. i was ready to pack as much as i could into my saturn & run. & somehow i decided i had to move out of my parents house. as soon as humanly possible. i even decided that if i couldn't find a place that i could afford that would let me have my beloved puppy, that i would have to give him back to the shelter. that was the hardest part is realizing that i may have to give him up. & then i asked jenn if she would help me find a place.

not long after that she texted me some info on a place in plymouth, decently close to my work, that said they love large dogs. i went out there yesterday and took a look around the place. they had a nice indoor pool, but the rent was just a bit more than i was willing to pay, none of the utilities were included, & the space seemed pretty small. so the hunt goes on.

i have an appointment tomorrow morning for another place in plymouth, then an appointment friday night for a place in brooklyn park, so we'll see how things go. i'm hoping to have a new place by november 1st, but by christmas day at the absolute latest. me & puppy need a new living situation. one where i have my own space, where i'm in charge, some place of MINE.

& of course there's the added benefit that i won't be seeing my mom nearly as much which means i won't be fighting with her nearly as much. i'll probably stop by there once every two weeks or so, visit them on the weekend that i work at the group home.

i know i know i know. i'm sure lots of you out there are saying that "seriously, you're twenty freakin nine years old, bout time ya left the nest." which i do whole heartedly agree with. & i did have an apartment for a while with my sis. however, i wasn't working enough hours to keep it on my own & i didn't really want a random roommate, so i had to give it up & move back in with my parents. but i just recently figured out what i was paying them per month to live there, which is way too much money to live in their basement & share a single bathroom.

wish me luck, please, that i find a place that i can afford & still keep my puppy. i really don't want to give walkie back to the nice people at st. francis. they're great people, a no kill shelter, but i don't want to give my puppy up, we kind of need each other.

2 comments:

PensivePearl said...

Good luck! Is Jack going with you? Or are you going to live alone for awhile? Just curious, because you said a place all "mine" a lot.

I've been in your situation a couple of times.. where I've been back with my mom or with grandpa (Josh's). Each time, the lack of money that goes along with a pricey apartment is always worth the heart ache I save from their torment!

ps
What kind of dog do you have? you should post pictures of him!

Diary of an irish woman said...

Hiya Sweetie - I know I mentioned it before but think about doing that engaged encounter course with you and your beloved. Its friggin awesome not at all beat you over head religious at all. Shows you how do even have a healthy arguement which is needed some times :-) Myself and himself felt we grew a hell of a lot during that course and that it has helped our marraige and just every day stuff in amazing ways. Seriously they arent paying me to push it but think everyone should do it before they take that leap Love S