i always went through life thinking that each day you had the control to shape the day as you pleased. i never understood when i heard people complain about writer's block. sure, there were some days that i had more trouble concentrating & writing than others, but over alli never really had a problem, until recently. my advisor has told me that it's probably due to stress & all the bullshit going on in my life, combined with the fact that i really don't have my own little sacred writing space, which is something that every writer desperately needs. & then, of course, the fact that as of late i haven't given myself the permission to write.
so mix that all up, bring it to a rolling boil, & you have frustration & writer's block. although in a way it feels more like creative constipate. it's as if i have all these ideas & phrases rolling around in my head but when i try to get it out on paper or out onto my computer it just won't move. like there's something stopping me from producing.
& what kills me the most about all of this is in the past i have been uber prolific, always writing any chance i could get. i was the kid in high school with a tattered notebook that i carried everywhere with me & i wrote at any chance i could get. i was the kid who got yelled at in english class for writing on my stories when i finished my english homework. yeah, i was totally that much of a writing geek. ok, while my teen years were miserable at best, due to being fat with glasses & braces, at least i had my writing. & at that point in time i really felt like a writer.
now i kind of feel like a fraud. i want to do this, so badly, & yet, somehow i'm just not able to make it happen & that makes me want to punch someone in the balls.