my mood, my blog, & my person in general have been fairly dark lately. not goth-i'm-gonna-slit-my-wrists-cause-pain-is-fun dark, but more just melancholy & very un-beckah like. & i won't apologize for it, because there has been a lot weighing on my mind lately, besides of course my butt. & with as hard as i tried to conceal my emotions, somehow they came out in little ways, in my blogs, my off hand remarks to friends, in my interest, or lack there of, in certain activities. & i'll admit it, i've been fairly upset over the past couple months about a lot of stuff going on in my personal life.
but this blog isn't about that.
ever since i posted the blog last week stating that my wedding was being postponed with no reschedule date, i've received a lot of support from my friends, family, coworkers, & my writing advisors. & while i've been keeping myself wrapped up, coccooned in my own little sphere, others have been noticing, & caring, & doing what they can to help.
what i realized today on my way into work is that i'm very lucky. instead of being alone in all of this with no one to talk to, turn to, or cry to. i'm surrounded by people who love me, are willing to listen without offering advice, people who are there for me without strings, without needing repayment, without asking anything of me. & in that way i am so much luckier than many people.
& that feels so great. to know that i have so many people in my life who love me & care about me & genuinely want me to be happy. i know for some people this is a NO-DUH kind of thing. & in a way i know that i have people that if i'm in dire need of help that i can call them & they'll be there no matter the time of day, night, or windchill. but it's so unexpected to know that there are more people than i knew concerned for me.
i'd like to take the time to say thanks much to everyone who's helped me over the last couple of weeks. even if it was just exchanging text messages, playing phone tag, or one line emails. it's all really helped me get through those really tough days & helped me to finally start to see some kind of good that can come from all of this. so thanks much, everyone. i really appreciate it.