Thursday, February 08, 2007

have you ever been in a fat girl? would you like to be?

it's official. jenn & i shouldn't go anywhere together. we're like a walking comedy show. last night we went to the gym, which i totally didn't want to go, but did anyway so that i can get my credit for my at-least-eight-times-per-month for my membership discount. & yeah, i know i'm in this competition, trying to avoid the slicey-dicey & all that jazz. but i was throwing a major three year old tantrum complete with floor kicking. & cramps. & then when we were there jenn told me that we were going to spend an hour on the ellipticals.

jesus bobby! & yesterday my abs & upper body were screaming from the torture of my tuesday workout. so i was one hurting unit, to quote my father. but i hung up my coat & slunk into the gym anyway & hopped myself onto my favorite elliptical to do some interval training. i think i mentioned this before, but riley has jenn & i doing interval cardio, so for two minutes we'll go along easy as pie & then push as hard & fast as we can for two minutes, then back to the pie. ((mmmm....pie....)) which, this whole thing is a lot harder than it sounds. i challenge you to do 30minutes on a treadmill, elliptical, or exercise bike however you normally would. then the next day, go back & do the interval. it will ki-ck your ass, in a good way.

i had my time set for an hour because, well jesus bobby, miss jenn said we were doing an hour, & it's just not acceptable to sit in the middle of the Y & read the subtitles on medium without actually doing any kind of sweating or exertion. & for some reason the interval training was just killing me yesterday. my lungs were on fire. i could feel that my face was hot, most likely fire engine red, & i was literally dripping sweat. i kept wiping my face with my scratchy Y towel. at about twenty minutes in, i reached up to wipe my forehead again, this time without said towel, & something didn't feel quite right. & that's when i realized i never took off my winter hat. over my bandana i was wearing my cute turquoise stocking cap with the white snowflake embroidered on it.

& i'm not entirely sure, but pretty close to sure, that i made a very weird face when i made this realization because jenn happened to look at me just as i realized i'd been killing myself on the elliptical for almost 20 minutes & i wouldn't've been so freakin hot if i would've taken off my hat. nice, eh? & jenn started laughing uncontrollably from whatever the odd expression it was on my face when i realized i'd been working out with a hat on for twenty minutes, she actually had to take a personal moment, pause & collect her thoughts to keep her from falling off the elliptical. oy, that's all i need is to be responsible for her untimely death at the Y due to a fall from cardio equipment.

we each only lasted 30 minutes of interval training on the elliptical, so then we decided we wanted to get in a full hour. i decided to do the exercise bike because, well, i got to sit on my ass, where as the treadmill would have meant doing interval training i would have to do something far too close to running for my personal comfort. eventually my bad self will run because, well, it's on my list of 1001 things, but wednesday was not the day.

while i happily intervaled my way along on the bike listening to augustana & dividing my attention between the twins game & the cnn coverage of the "astronaut love triangle" jenn was behind me nearly dying on the cardio equipment. too bad exercise bikes don't have rear view mirrors, i may have been able to see what was going on, even though i wouldn't've been privy to her inner monologue. which, as it turns out, was pretty damn funny.

now i wasn't going to do interval training on the treadmill because of the afore mentioned running that would have to take place. jenn on the other hand, not only felt up to the challenge, but faced it head on with a heart of moxie. she told me that after her two minutes, she upped the speed & started her running, & she managed to run about 1/10 of a mile before she decreases the speed & went into her "resting" phase. & while she was doing her resting she imagined telling riley the next day how she did. & some how in the midst of her day dream she was trying to convey how difficult it can be for a fat girl to run. except. she phrased the question, to her inner imaginary riley, as: have you ever been in a fat girl? which was completely & totally innocent at the inception of the question. & then turned dirty with a quick flick of the tongue to, would you like to be?

oh stop.

all she had meant was, had he ever been a fat girl. er, had he ever been fat? er, out of shape? um, had he ever put on the gwenneth paltrow fat girl suit? in any case, it was a conversation that never wound up occurring, because, well, he just may take that the wrong way. the whole would you like to be in a fat girl, yeah, wee bit inappropriate. & we want to do some more training with him before he realizes how inappropriate we can be at times. & by then he'll love us both for the fan-ta-bulous people we are that he won't want to lose us as clients so he'll put up with, & encourage, our inappropriate behavior.

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