Wednesday, May 23, 2007

life, the universe, & all that fun jazz

it's not news to anyone who has been around me lately that my life has been full of events, emergencies, & basically one emotionally draining bizarre event after another. yeah, i know, wake up & smell the espresso, that's life. & yeah, it is life. & i need to learn how to balance all that bullshit with my writing. because i've been a major slacker when it comes to my writing. not only my blog, but everything else too.

just so we're all reading the same book here. this is a short sum-up of recent events:
~april 9th my dad had rotator cuff surgery (so he's now off of work for 6 months & driving every one crazy)
~april 28th my grandma died in arizona
~may 12th last day of class & final paper due (i had to beg an extension to turn it in on monday the 14th)
~may 12th tina's baby shower, which i was hosting
~may 12th becky's bachelorette, which i was hosting
~may 18th grandma's funeral
~may 18th marty & becky's wedding
~may 18th tina's grandma died
~today tina's grandma's funeral

there's been lots of other little stuff in there & lots of inner drama, but that's the main listing of the external events that have been on my list of challenging items.

in the midst of all the trauma/drama i have been doing a lot of thinking, mostly over thinking, but some plain ol regular thinking too. & i've come to two pretty important conclusions. one of which i'm ept sure that i've mentioned on here, the other which i'm ept sure i haven't mentioned on here.

so the first conclusion is that no matter how completely insane my life gets i need to keep writing & keep working on that dream. because it's not going to happen on my own. & one thing i've noticed is that the times when my life is the most insane, when tons of outside shits keeps intruding, that is the time when i should be writing the most. not because writing is therapeutic, because my "therapeutic" writing sucks ass most of the time. but because i need to learn to write all the time, no matter what is happening in my life. & i have totally said that before. i know that i have. but life is one big long lesson. & some times you have to fail the tests a couple times before the lesson sticks.

the second conclusion is a lot harder to verbalize. it has to do more with my spirit. just like i've been neglecting my writing, i've been neglecting my spirit. & i think the two are most definitely related. back when i was eighteen i came to a realization, that i needed to follow a different path. i feel the best when i do lots of meditation, when i'm at peace with myself and the world around me. i really believe that i need to be in tune with nature. this is what i've been neglecting. i've been SO concerned with making sure that i'm not disappointing anyone, letting anyone down, or in any other fashion fucking up that i've been neglecting that internal maintenance on my soul. if that makes any sense at all. when i was really at peace with myself i was doing lots of meditation, inner soul searching, & just spirit maintenance. basically i've been letting my spirituality lapse. there's not really a better way to say that. but i may go into it deeper in a later blog.

& that's basically what i need to do i need to write more & regain my spirituality.

nuff said.

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