Tuesday, July 03, 2007

happy independance day

ok, so it's july 3rd & not the 4th. but this is a different kind of Independence day for me, that just so happens to fall around the Independence day of our country. for me, today is the day that i can FINALLY dump TFF's (The Former Fiance) cell phone off my verizon plan. we broke up in december, coincidentally just about two weeks after he lost the damn phone. but because i had put him on my account as a second phone, i still had another six months left of his plan before i could give his phone number an adios & fare-thee-well from my cell phone plan. which, yes, did totally suck. & then, because he had lost the damn phone, i had the account on hold for 30days so no one could find the a fore mentioned damn phone & charge calls to guam on my account. which pushed the date from june 3rd, to july 3rd, for me to be able to call verizon & get the number dropped once & for all.

this comes right on the heels of me getting my new digs. oh-yeah.

it's interesting. a year ago i was still planning a wedding for this upcoming saturday (7-7-7). it's funny in that every time someone hears that i WAS engaged & i called off the wedding they say how sorry they are & give me this pity look like "oh, i feel so uncomfortable, you poor girl!" but i always respond with "please, don't feel bad, i'm SO much happier now" & it's not in anyway a lie or bravado, i am really, honestly, TRULY so much happier now that i've called off the wedding & broken things off completely with TFF. i do wish he would still pay me back some of the SEVERAL thousand dollars he owes me, but if i never get it, well, it's his bad karma for eff-ing me over, not mine. & he's the one that looks like an a-hole.

but enough of that BS from the past. it's almost like a new year for me, a rebirth of sorts. i'm in a fresh place with lots of possibilities spread before me. i'm losing weight again. dev & i are being each other's long distance accountabilibuddies, & then i have jenn here as my local accountabilibuddy to kick my butt, make me go to the gym, & keep me from indulging too much in the many potlucks here at work. i feel like i've been able to shed some of the things from the past that were weighing me down. i feel like i'll be able to write again.

i feel like i'm shedding my old life, a skin that was suffocating me in other people's problems, issues, guilt, responsibility, & obligations. i was born in 1977, the year of the snake on the chinese zodiac:

The Year Of The Snake
People born in the Year of the Snake are deep. They say little and possess great wisdom. They never have to worry about money; they are financially fortunate. Snake people are often quite vain, selfish, and a bit stingy. Yet they have tremendous sympathy for others and try to help those less fortunate. Snake people tend to overdo, since they have doubts about other people's judgment and prefer to rely on themselves. They are determined in whatever they do and hate to fail. Although calm on the surface, they are intense and passionate. Snake people are usually good-looking and sometimes have marital problems because they are fickle. They are most compatible with the Ox and Rooster.

& it seems very fitting to me that, like a snake, i am shedding the skin of my old life, to emerge, changed, grown, & ready to continue on to my next adventure.

it's been a long strange trip thus far. & for people that have known me since the summer of burning man, it probably all seems very circular. i came back from my desert odyssey with much the same out look that i have now. uber motivated & very hopeful for my future. sure that not only were great things ahead, but that i would be doing great things. granted, i did lose almost three years of my life in this little detour that i took. but i learned a lot about myself, had a few lessons reinforced, & i feel like i've come out the other side an even stronger person. i'm more motivated now than i was right after burning man. i am more convinced than ever that i truly hold my destiny in my own hot little hands. & i'm more than ever convinced of what sinead said about me october of 2004, "She's brilliant, funny, a loyal friend, a rock in difficult times, and a wonderful woman who is becoming a force :-)" it's the last part that i was mostly thinking of. & i like that idea, of being a force. reminds me of a tempest.

so i'm a tempest. cool. i like it.

No comments: