they** say that old friends are the best. & it's one of those lessons that is so very true, & yet, very often forgotten. my "old" friends are the ones that i can always count on, & sometimes i think it's easy to forget that in the every day coming & going of regular life. & it's those "old" friends that know me the best. which is great & not always so great. it means that they see through all the bullshit, smoke & mirrors, & can't be faked out. a lot of them knew me from before i even had a driver's permit. & even though they can see behind the OZ curtain to the unglamorous, they still love me & stand by me like no others. it also means that they can make me feel good & laugh like no others.
last night/this morning, i was on the phone with sahara until after 1am. & then we IM-ed for another 30 minutes or so. she's the friend of mine that was born on d-day, just 9 days before me. she's a fellow gemini. & we totally share a brain. as in when we're together we really act as if we share a brain. in high school (GO MINUTEMEN. . .not really, i don't care that much) it was almost freaky. with her living half a country away on the east coast our brains have had to each grow a bit to accommodate for the missing other half, but it's still pretty funny when we're together, especially with us both being geminis, & of two minds anyway.
so we're talking about her maybe coming out to see me in a month or so & i'm asking if she knows how to drive a stick in case she needs to drive my car. & she says yeah, & we're talking about how each car with a standard transmission is different & etc. & i was telling her how my car has the "idiot shifting indicator" to tell the driver when to change gears, & the conversation went a little something like this:
me: but i don't like using it because it tells me to shift at 2,000 rpms & i feel the gears stick, my car wants to wait til more towards 2,500 rpms
sahara: well, do you have a manual?
me: uh, yeah, it's a stick?
sahara: well you should read it
me <----utterly confused at this point as to why i should read my car: uh, um, ok?
this was then followed by awkward silence while sahara wondered why i was confused & i wondered why i was supposed to read my car.
at almost the exact same moment we realized what the other one was saying & started laughing. & it has been such a long time since i've laughed that hard. & i know i'm a horrible friend for this, but it wasn't until we'd started talking on the phone that i realized how much i've really missed her.
it's sad how easy it is to let go of someone you love. or something you love. with each day it gets just a little bit easier to put off that phone call. that email. because there's too much other shit to do. the tps reports don't do themselves you know. then again. the tps reports also won't be there in a moment's notice to hold your hand when you're scared. or listen to you cry long distance. & they definitely won't give you that hug that says more than you could ever express with mere words.
so to all my friends out there that i haven't called. written. emailed. or visited. i still love you. i still care. & i miss you oodles & gobs.
**for the record: i fucking hate when anyone starts a phrase with they say, who is they? how did this mystical person/people become the absolute authority on anything? & why should i care what this fictional THEY says about anything?