Wednesday, February 06, 2008

liquid diet: day #3

ok, day three blows. hard core. in every way. i'm so hungry right now i would gnaw off my own arm for a piece of garlic cheese bread. & it's only half past noon. someone at work had some really yummy smelling chinese food & it took all my will power not to flood my desk with drool as i salivated over the smell. jello is not a suitable replacement for garlic cheese bread. taking 30-45 minutes to enjoy 8oz of cream of tomato soup is torture, especially when, to quote jenn "i could enjoy that in 30-45 seconds." tru dat.
i keep reminding myself:
~just four more days after today.
~i'm almost half done.
~i chose to do this to myself.
~it will be worth it.
~i really am smarter than food.
~i can resist temptation.
~it's a character building experience
~this will make great writing for my memoir on this whole thing.
on the upside, for giggles i stepped on the scale at work (the one that we've been losing or our own little biggest loser competition) & i've lost 3.5 pounds since monday morning. & this was after i had drank my 8oz of breakfast, some water, & some coffee. so it may have actually been closer to 4 pounds. that's kind of nice to see.
so i think it's pretty safe to say that i have forever left the 260's behind me. my primary doctor actually thinks that i will fairly easily lose 100 pounds after the surgery, which is just mind boggling to me. because, that means that i could make it down to 160, which, to be honest, i don't ever remember being that weight. EVER. & i have no clue how to even try to process that.
it's a really mixed up emotional time for me right now. i'm owning that. & knowing that after monday it won't all go away. i'm still going to have my bad days. i'm going to have those days that i wonder what i did to myself. having surgery is not going to magically change everything in my life. it's going to change a lot of things, but it's not an end all be all easy fix by any means. i know this. i'll never go to an all-you-can-eat buffet again; what would be the point? & i'm sure that there will be times that i cry in frustration because of. . .because of reasons i can't even identify right now.
as of this exact moment: i'm hungry, i'm cold, i'm tired. i need a nap with my teddy bear in my big cozy bed with my fuzzy blanket pulled up around me. if i could have that right now all would be so much better.
***i would also like to apologize in advance for any crankiness i may aim at anyone in the next month. i do sincerely apologize & i'm sure that i didn't mean it***

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