Thursday, May 29, 2008

thought of the week: may 26-june 1

we admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do. and these are the words you wish you wrote down. this is the way you wish your voice sounds, handsome and smart. oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart

~brand new
okay, i believe you but my tommy gun don't

i've been listening to a lot of brand new lately. not for any reason in particular, but just because. i really enjoy their lyrics, & this song in general is one that's been drawing me. the phrase i like the best of theirs is the portion of the above quote that says "my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart." i can't even explain why i'm so drawn to this particular part of the song, but i am.

maybe it's because i'm a passionate person. when i really believe in someone or something i do it with my whole heart. i love with all of my being. i put myself out on the line, sometimes so far out there that i can't see the edge anymore. i also tend to be a social person. at work when i was working as a phone rep taking incoming member calls i would get more done in a fifteen minute break than most people accomplished on their half hour lunch. i'd get water from the breakroom, use the bathroom, & talk to a dozen people & still get back on the phone in time. i just really see myself in these lyrics.

lately i've been doing a lot of reflecting. much of it spurred on by my surgery & the after affects. some by things that have been going on in the lives of my friends. some other things in my life. & some just because we're closing very quickly on my birthday. & that gives me more ammunition for deep thought than the turn of the year.

i hate giving teasers, but i will be blogging more in upcoming days. my recovery has been very rough. which has kept me away from writing. just because sometimes there's too much to think about typing up. yesterday i got some potentially not great news, i'm still processing it. but, on the upside, i'm writing again. which is always a good thing. especially for someone like me who puts their whole self into almost everything they do. i'm getting sleepy & feel as if i'm not making much sense anymore. so i'm going to log off & sleep. so i can work in the AM & blog in the evening.

beckah's new babies

i really LOVE living alone. i love my new apartment. my landlady & her daughters are wicked cool. i've been hanging out with her daughters more lately, just chilling by the fire pit (i'll talk about the pool & hot tub later on) but sometimes it gets a little lonely being here all by myself. not like i'm rushing to move out & get a roommate or anything. i really do LOVE my place & want to stay here for a while.

but i've been thinking i'd like a pet. i do have my two cats & dog at my parents' place. however, two things: #1 my apartment is small, too small for my dog & too small even for a litter box. & #2 (more importantly) my dad doesn't want me taking the cats & dog from their place. he likes having them around. so i pay for their food, litter, vet bills, treats, all that good rot & my parents have custody. so i started thinking of other pets. & i'm not a bird or fish person. not really into reptiles, though i don't hate them. BUT, back in '04 i had a rat, johnny the rat, & i really liked having a rat. so i asked my landlady if she'd mind if i got a small pet in a cage & she said of course she didn't mind, so i decided i'd get a couple rats.

on monday, which was memorial day, i went to petsmart to leave my name so that when they got in two dumbo rats from the same litter they could give me a call. i wanted dumbos specifically for a couple reasons. one is that they aren't as popular as regular fancy rats. another is they are really super cute! i think regular rats are cute, but dumbo rats have large round ears (like dumbo the elephant from disney) & their ears are a bit lower set on their head. they also get a bit bigger than normal fancy rats, & they also tend to be a bit more mellower. because they aren't as popular as normal fancy rats i've only seen one in a store at a time, & not all pet stores carry them. i decided to get two instead of one because rats are very social animals, & i didn't want them to get lonely. & while i don't plan on ignoring them, my life can get busy & it's not unusual for me to be gone from home for 16+ hours in a row. so, i figured i'd have to leave my name & they'd give me a call when they got in two rats.

to my shock they actually had two dumbos from the same litter in the store! the boys had been there about two weeks. & they're still little guys, so they were probably around six weeks when they got to petsmart. i really had not planned on getting my pets on monday. my big cage is still over at my friend josh's house in storage, so i got them a kind of medium cage, more than enough room for right now, & decided to get them right then. i figured i have NEVER seen two dumbos at a store at once, so it was fate that they were meant to be my pets.

my first little guy is named anthony (pronounced ant-nee, watch the movie oscar to see what i mean). anthony is an albino dumbo rat. his brother is named leif (pronounced like leaf). leif is cream & white dumbo, his eyes are really dark red, almost black. i did get anthony's name from the movie oscar which i was watching monday afternoon. his personality is kind of like that of the character anthony in the movie, the one that keeps outwitting syvester stalloine's character, snaps. i had tried naming my other little guy snaps, but it just didn't fit. so while i was playing with him tonight i tried out several different names to see what he'd respond to & what fit his personality. he's my little explorer. every time i take him out of the cage he wants to run around & check everything out, so i decided on leif after the viking explorer leif erikson.

here are pictures of my little guys. the first picture is of anthony. he was nibbling on a small puffy piece of food right before i took the picture. the second is of leif just chilling on the penthouse level of their rat condo. he's kind of a ham when i pull out the camera already!

Monday, May 26, 2008

celibacy? this ain't that kinda celebration

i was hanging with my friend stephanie yesterday. & through out our travels of the day we came across some interesting information. may is national masturbation month. my question is: how did i find this out so late in the month? there is a heck of a lot of celebrating that i've been missing out on! for the last little bit of may i propose that everyone celebrate as much as possible. in my opinion most people don't masturbate enough. or rather, people don't orgasm enough. i think quite a few people think that if they're not with someone they just aren't going to get any in general. i really believe if everyone orgasmed at least four times a week that this world would be a lot happier, mellower, less stressful place.

so cum on & celebrate :)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

mayhem & mischief in the mail

the great usps raised the rate of a first class stamp. AGAIN. to mail a letter it's now something ridiculous like 42 cents. i just bought stamps back on march 1st, a whole book of 41 cent stamps. yeah, fuck. who the hell keeps a bunch of 1 cent stamps around? not i. yeah, it's tempting to past a penny to the envelope with a 41 cent stamp. if only that would work. but i don't think that'll work & it'd just delay my bills from their destination.

today i had to mail my car insurance & all i had was a bunch of 41 cent stamps. so i had to put two on the envelope to get enough postage. it was a little after 7pm, i'd been at work for almost twelve hours, hadn't taken a lunch break. i was still high on caffeine from my morning coffee. i also have a bit more energy now than i did before, which is nice, but makes me a little hyper. ok, a lot hyper. especially when i spike that natural high with a drug like caffeine.

i was sitting at my desk, on the phone with april, lamenting the fact that i was paying 82 cents to mail a check with a payment coupon for my car insurance. & i said "i'm tempted to throw a couple pennies in there just to feel like i got my money's worth." & then while bouncing ideas around: nickels, paperclips, assorted non-sense, i realized i had the exact right thing in my purse to send along with my insurance payment of six hundred some odd dollars: a condom.

in hindsight, & by that i mean after i got out the sharpie, after i wrote messages on the front & back of the ultra thin lubricated trojan, after i sealed it in the envelope & after i dropped the stamped envelope in the drop box at the post office, after all that it seems like a fucking bizarre thing to do. & i am semi curious how that's going to be received at the payment processing center. what a rip it'll be if the envelopes are opened by machine. my hope is they're opened by people & it makes someone smile. that it makes someone's day. that it makes it around the payment center. & the story ends up on the net. & in case it does. i took pictures to prove it was me : )

so below are pictures of the front of the condom, the back, & then the condom with the 2-41 cent stamps that inspired the whole damn thing.

the front of the condom says: "your insurance makes me feel protected too ->"

the back says: "thanks farmers! :)"

& finally the condom with the inspiring 41 cent LOVE stamps just before the envelope was stuffed. . . .yes, that was meant to be dirty. wicked dirty.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

getting into ALL kinds of trouble!

so i've decided i want to get my tits done. i'm sure a feminist reading my blog just spit coffee all over her computer. whoops. but i've decided to get them done. i know that outer beauty in no way effects inner beauty, but i have some very good reasons.

#1 i used to have DD's-i miss them terribly
#2 it really is MY body
#3 there's nothing wrong with body modification as long as you're doing it for the right reasons
#4 i already have a good self esteem. so for me bigger tits does not =being a more worthy human being
#5 i really miss my DD's

i have some friends who are more well endowed in the chest-al area (to quote my sister) who i'm sure will tell me i can have some of theirs. & believe me girls, i would if i could. but it's something i've thought long & hard about. i also know that i'm still looking at another 14 months or so before i can have ANY plastic surgery. but no time like the present to plan. so i've started a profile on & you'll see a new heading on the right "my quest for new boobs" & under that a link saying help fund my implants! if you click on that it'll direct you to the myfreeimplants website & after you log in it'll take you to my page. so hey boys, & girls, sponsor my new boobies :)

for all of you with a foot fetish

here's the picture of my toes & the scale. if i would've known i was taking a picture of my feet on this day i would've gotten a pedicure. then again. maybe my weight wouldn't've been at 199.0 that day. & this is pretty damn cool. yo.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

ok, so maybe i did fall into a black hole

time has just been flying by recently. most days i get home & i do turn on my computer, i surf the web, check my email, pull up adium & spend some time chatting before i go to bed. i just haven't been blogging. i can't say exactly why, i just haven't been. i have been pretty tired. pretty overwhelmed, & just trying to get things sorted in general.

tonight i actually have some time, while my dinner cooks & my laundry washes. & i figured i should check in. especially since i hit a milestone yesterday. when i weighed in yesterday morning before work my scale showed me 199. i know. how cool is that? i do have a picture & i'll be putting it up, because i'm sure everyone wants to see my toes & a scale reading 199. then again, maybe there's someone out there that has a fetish related to my toes & a scale. if so, rock on with your bad self. i'm not quite sure where my cord is for my cam, so the picture will be posted as soon as i find that. along with some new pics of my sexy self...i'll see if i can get someone to take some of me.

things at work have been crazy hectic. in a good way. sorta. i'm doing my damnedest to make myself indispensable so that next year when they do reviews they're blown away by how much i managed to accomplish in just one little year. although, i have had a few mini breakdowns, usually around 7am when i roll into the parking lot & i look around & wonder how i got to where i am now. i know, whining won't get my anywhere, but that doesn't mean i can totally resist the urge to do so on occasion. don't get me wrong, i love my life, i have great friends, a good job, a sexy little car, & i'm damn talented. i just never figured i'd be working in cubeville in my 31st year.

i wonder if perhaps it's just pre-birthday reflections. taking a look at the past year & seeing where i've been, what i've done & looking forward. the last year has been pretty kick ass. two of my best friends have had babies, so i'm an auntie twice over. i got a new apartment, a promotion, a new car, another new apartment, gastric bypass, & a new boy. that's a hell of a lot to cram into a year. & i've still got another month or so left before the real end of my birthday year!

class also just ended last week. i had a great time, my classmates totally rock & it was probably the best class that i've had at hamline thus far. the ten of us & our prof just clicked as a group. everyone's projects were SO different, but there was a lot of respect & vibrant energy in the class every week. i turned in my final manuscript & i'm happy with it. i got some really great compliments from my prof & my classmates. i also got some great comments to think on. this piece was just for fun, not really a part of anything else. just something to work on for the class. but i like my character & i like the potential that it has. so maybe it'll turn into more. but let's not discuss how many large fiction projects i have in the work. including this one i have a total of three large projects. i have my novel for thesis, then i have my latest nanowrimo novel that i'm really into writing, & then this one. yes folks, currently working on three novels.

Friday, May 02, 2008

i have not fallen into a black hole

so yeah, i am totally fucking lame & haven't been on here in forever. & i don't really feel like doing extensive blogging now, i'll try to do more soon because i do miss it & i feel like i have a lot to say; but here's some updated pics. the first is me at work about 5-6 weeks ago. the second one is me at home tonight.