WARNING: this is not work appropriate. this also may be offensive &/or an overshare. read at your own risk.
jenn continually reminds me that the filter between my mouth & my brain is seriously damaged. or possibly missing. it may take extensive testing to determine which, but the end result is i almost always say things that either offend people, or would offend them, or are just plain wrong in so many ways. today i nearly said something that would have been highly inappropriate. however, somehow, i managed not to say it.
the set up: i was at walgreen's picking up a monistat combination pack & a pack of today's sponges (i need to stop having surgery, the fucking catheter gives me yeast infections...they even pumped me full of antibiotics too! go figure). so i'm getting these two items, the cashier is a middle aged white woman with ashy blond hair & she asks me "how're you doing today?" i almost started to say: "except for the extreme feminine itching & worried about getting knocked up-FANTASTIC!"
it took every little ounce of my willpower to literally bite my tongue & say "great, thanks. how're you?" i've texted a bunch of my friends this little story & the consensus was that everyone wished i would've really said it. i've actually had a couple people tell me they'd pay me to say it. i may actually go with my friend steph this sunday just she can be a witness. not like i'll need more monistat then, but it has an amazing shelf life. sinead actually suggested i should've said that & asked if they had a pine car-freshner to get rid of any odors (which there are not, in case you're wondering). BUT, if i'm going to open mouth & insert foot may as well do it to my hip instead of just my knee.