yesterday i got a shock during my 1:1 with my supervisor. periodically my sup meets with all of us to see how things are going, do we have any concerns, etc. so i told her things are just ab-fab & i'm happy with the new hard drive IT dug up for me & it's sweet to be able to do my job on a working computer. so at the end of all this fuzzy feel good-ness she tells me that she has something to talk to me about. yeah. that is NEVER good. so she tells me that someone went to her supervisor & said something about my eating disorder.
um. say what? can you repeat that please?
i stayed calm. i was fairly upset. not because people were talking about me. i've already learned that's going to happen no matter what i say or do. not like i'm an egomaniac, but i'm the kind of person that elicits gossip about themselves. i'm not an abrasive person parse, but i don't take any bullshit off anyone, i am up front, honest, sometimes too honest. i don't believe in being fake. if i don't like you i'm polite, i'm courteous, but i'm not going to ask you to be my friend on facebook & go out for drinks while thinking to myself "sheesh, this person is a tool." un-uh, totally not my style. yes, i know, why the fuck do i work in a corporate office. um, it pays me well & gives me good health insurance, which i really need. i also mostly like my job. i used to love it, now it's just mostly (like 97%).
so i tried asking my supervisor what they'd said to my manager (my sup's sup is the manager of our department so she's my manager....yeah, you do need a flow chart, & we actually have one at work). she couldn't tell me the context. i wanted to know exactly what was said, why it was said, & who said it. i have a meeting with my manager next week (interestingly enough on wednesday which is the year anniversary of my surgery). i know she won't tell me who went to her. & i can understand her not breaking that confidence. but i do want to find out what was said to her, why it was said, & the way it was said.
if someone is concerned about me they should come to my cube & see me. if they are saying i can't do my job because of my eating disorder then i need to get hr involved because it's discrimination. if someone is pissed off that i'm not ashamed of my eating disorder & hiding it then they can just piss off. if i had broken my leg, been in a car accident, had cancer, or just about anything else people would be sympathetic & not judgemental. it's not like i sign every email "thanks, beckah ps: do you know i have an eating disorder?" i don't wear a sign at work, it's not like i introduce myself at meetings by saying "hi, my name is beckah & i have an eating disorder." some people know because i've told them. my sister, jenn, steph, yadi, & crystal are the main people that i talk with about my eating disorder. but quite a few people do know. my goal is to change the world. change the way the world interacts with & treats people with eating disorders. & i can't very well do that by hiding in a corner too scared & ashamed to open my mouth.